….Whose your Zodiac?….

Many of us have taken a peek at our zodiac sign out of curiosity as to what astrology claims is our personality along with fun facts such as, who we are compatible with and what our best occupation would be. And many of us….read our sign and think….whoa….that is totally me!!

Well….I’m a Capricorn….the 10th sign of zodiac represented by a goat with a fish’s tail and extending from December 22 to January 19. My high level interpretation of myself is…
1. Outgoing aka social butterfly
2. Hard worker aka work hard play harder
3. Perfectionist aka get it right the first time
4. Task master aka do your job or your assigned chores & I won’t have to micro manage you
5. Loyal aka I got your back….but if you stab me to death(meaning you have had a lot of chances)….you will be sliced from my pack
6. Hates surprises aka I want to look good if I’m gonna be at a party aka hates to be embarrassed & I don’t like to be caught off guard because of something my children did & I have no explanation to back them or nail them to the wall
7. LOVES TO SHOP aka a teeny bit materialist at best
8. Community rebel rouser aka loves to do community service and pay it forward
9. Rule follower aka only if it’s posted …the 10 commandments, airport, street signs, directions etc…with the exception of speed limits
10. Planner aka extremely organized…wants to know the plan and logistics in advance
11. LOVE my family and friends aka will cut a crazy person for ya
12. Likes to be invited even if you know I can’t come….aka hates to be alone and left out

So what does my Zodiac sign say?? I looked it up after writing my high level interpretation of myself….and it says:
Personality Traits of a Capricorn….
•Good organizational skills
•Neat & tidy
•Practical
•Realistic
•Strong work ethic
•Materialistic tendencies
•Conventional
•Respects authority
•Egotism
•Cruel taskmaster
•Servility
•Excessive perfectionism

Likes…
•Simple food
•Antiques
•History
•Responsibility
•Not being pressured
•Unconditional love
•Privacy
•Elitism
•Family

Dislikes…
•Untidiness
•Disorder
•Being teased
•Familiarity
•Surprises
•New ideas & paths
•Loneliness
•Being useless
•Public embarrassment

Hmmm….pretty close wouldn’t you say? So for those of us who need a little self-reflection for pure entertainment purposes….write down who you think you are….and then Bing your sign.

Here’s to self reflection….sometimes looking in the mirror does not return the real you….CHEERS!!!

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Chivalry 103……

If you have read my blog…you would know that chivalry is one of my all time favorite most special experiences ever. Chivalry is not dead and if we continue training generation after generation….we may soon find that it becomes hip and popular again. Chivalry 101 and 102 should be mastered by now…..so let’s move to the next steps…….these next tips are best trained during the late teen and young adult years.

Helping a lady with her coat……To institute this action you can do it one of two ways.  Fast track training would be to hand the coat to your subject, turn around, and put your arms in the putting your coat on position.  Slow track….put one arm in …. and ask for help with the other… either way continue this action until they simply know what to do.  Unfortunately, once summer comes…….you may have to retrain the next winter.

Walking on the outside of the street……my daddy NEVER let my mom and me walk closest to the street.  He would always move to the outside thus protecting us from any impending danger such as a run away car or kidnapper.  This for some reason always seem to melt me most.  To institute this training, simply move to the inside of the street everytime you are walking on a sidwalk.  This by far is the easiest chivalry act to train. Most men won’t question your action.. but like pavlov’s dog…they will just know what to do the minute they hit a sidewalk!

Chivalry is best trained by both parents….regardless of living situations…a male child can always learn how to respect the opposite sex through consistent demonstrations of cater and candor.  Some women are feminists and feel they can open their own door, pull out their own chair and put on their own coats…..that’s fine for them.  But this girl….enjoys the special attention and action it takes to be mindful and observant of a woman.  Whether they know her or not……A gentleman is always noticed for his manners & charming ways.

Here’s to well trained…well crafted….chivalry mastered men…and here’s to the adults who instilled its art form….may the gift of chivalry never die…..and the exceptance of its grace never be shunned…….CHEERS!!!

I’ve got your drag……..

There are times in life when we experience a moment in time that brings us down.  There are times in life when we may go thru a spell of what feels like unending sadness. There are times in life when our sadness is purely seasonal….kinda like allergies…you suffer a bit….when the season is over….you’re fine. There’s the very real stabbing of post partum depression that sucks you out of your normal life into bouts of crying for reasons you can’t explain to highs of extreme manic energy…but for those times in life….most people bounce back and never feel that pull of darkness again.  .. But for some people…..the struggle to see the light is a daily battle.

We all have those friends who make self deprecating remarks about themselves and you think…what the hell are you talking about?? We think you are fantastic, beautiful, fun, life would not be the same without you…..but to the receiver of that information…..the ears are on auto pilot deaf. Depression is a serious, aching, desperate feeling of unworthiness. A low point in a deep hole that appears to have no light to see a way out.

Most people can’t handle people who are depressed in their lives because they see their behavior has negative. But what they fail to realize is that when their friend is deep in that hole….its like a possession. You’re in there…..but you can’t get out…you’re screaming but nobody hears you…..the exterior of you is demonized by a cloak of dark clouds.

So…..what do you do? You can seek therapy, you can seek free counseling thru your friends, you can busy yourself…..if you believe in a higher power…you can pray for God’s healing. Usually we start with free counseling from our friends. Why do we do that?

I liken friendships to that of a flock of birds. The saying goes…birds of a feather flock. We see them flock on trees, power lines, by the water….and in a V formation in the air. But..did you know that only some birds really fly?…why? Because they take turns catching each others drag to keep them afloat and to conserve their energy. Birds travel in flocks just like friends do. They travel in flocks for several reasons…but the reasons most comparable to humans…is to socialize, protect each other, and to use the surrounding air they fly in…in the most efficient way. Their air….is our friends words of encouragement, shoulders to cry on…..and deep tight hugs.

So for those of us who are going thru a dark spell, who are coming out of a massive dark cloud, who fight on a daily basis to stay afloat…..just know…that a good friend…has your drag…so conserve your energy until you have the strength…to have their drag….here’s to birds of a feather….may they continue to flock, your wings become lighter and your soul soar…..CHEERS!!!

Girl Code 101…..

Through out life we establish friendships. Those friendships can start from kindergarten and potentially carry through our lifetime til death do us a part. Depending on your personality, you either have a core group of friends, several different groups of friends…or very little friends at all. Some women prefer to have more male friends because they believe girls are petty, catty, & an exhaustive presence to be around. But through it all….there is something called…..the GIRL CODE. Men have Man Laws or Bro Codes to live by….just like women do.

So let’s kick it off……..here are my personal top 5 plus one. There are many others but these are a good start to a solid respect for the Girl Code.

Sex – If your friend slept with him…..you can’t. There are some exceptions to this rule.
1. 60 years has passed
2. You get permission
3. You get married to him — this is a good thing

Dating – DO NOT….under any circumstances diss your girl for a man you are merely sleeping with. If there are NO rings on your fingers you are not obligated to be at his beck and call. Its called Training 101…..that’s another blog to come…but here’s a tidbit….Men will act how you allow them to. If you set clear expectations that you have forged a bond of friendships and you have plans with said girls…that you will not break those plans unless there is an emergency or death. You have many days and many nights to spend with him….your girls deserve your committment to their time. Just as you would want your girl to do the same. At the end of the day….when he is GONE….your girls will still be there. Once you are married….there is no such thing as a diss….because at that point…its a matter of whether you are allowing yourself to be controlled by having to ask permission to “escape”…..that’s another blog to come…..stay tuned.

Truth – In all cases be open and honest with your friends. While it is hard to share your feelings to others especially when you are angry with them….it is a disservice to them to exhibit passive aggressive behavior or stew in your own juices. At some point you will boil. Real change comes from having enough comfort to be really honest and say something very uncomfortable. Try it…..

Facebook Defriending – We are now in a social media craze in which our friendships are now closely connected to cyber space. If you are going to defriend a “friend” on Facebook, give them the courtesy of the “why”. Because by defriending or blocking them on Facebook without telling them speaks volumes to who you are as a person, reality and real life. If you can’t be honest and upfront about your friendship on Facebook then how are you supposed to develop true meaningful relationships in reality? Do you have something to hide? Do you think that your friend won’t like you anymore because of your views? If they are truly a friend…….they will still like you and quite possibly be able to help you with whatever your controversial feelings may be….OR…they just may agree with you….but as a friend…give them the opportunity to know the “why” you feel you need to defriend or block them.

Trust – If your girl(s) ask you to keep something confidential…..DO IT. If they want the whole group to know….they will tell them. We all have a friend or two out of our group that we feel more comfortable telling “secrets” too…..its not that we don’t trust the others in our group….its just that we can sense as humans who can understand what we are going thru most. There will always come a time when the girls get together in an intimate setting …. and share. Share what they are going through, share what they are feeling and share what hurts them or makes them most happy. LISTEN…..sometimes its just easier to do that until they ask you what they should do or for your opinion. The ability to do that is a continuous work in progress for everyone.

The Plus One:
Respect – this isn’t really GIRL CODE…its human nature code. Always give it and you shall receive it. If you aren’t getting it, speak on it, as there may be some underlining feelings that your friend is not telling you that you may be able to pull out of them to squash the feelings of animosity….and LISTEN to their feelings. Don’t diminish their perception of reality…because its their reality whether its real or not.

Girl Code is important. Just like Man Laws and Bro Codes are important to men. Friendships are built from mutual respect, understanding and trust. Respect the Girl Code and you will not be talked about by the rest of your crew!!….here’s to friendships…the good, the bad, the best and the even better times…..CHEERS!!!

Consequences…..and the Social connection

Recently I was witness to a growing tone of disdain for a particular religions practice of what the religion calls…..disfellowship.  Disfellowships in laymen’s terms simply means you have committed a sin, confessed that sin and are now suffering the consequence of that action by being expelled or shunned socially from your friends and family.  This action being based on 1 Corinthians 5.  I’ve yet to find the actual word disfellowship in the bible…….but I have seen the word “limiting” association with those who practice wrongdoing but have not found such strict shunning. 

I’ve tried to practice the art of looking at things differently or in a comparative manner regardless of how completely unrelated they  may be to bring myself back to center to see if something really makes sense or not.  This allows me the power to exercise free will and reap my own consequences should I make the wrong choice.  So I’ve thought about this a bit……………….here is my take………no matter how bizarre it may sound……perhaps it could help ease the sting of the tone around those who are going thru this even if it doesn’t make it any better.

Key word of the thought process: Consequences

As young children we are taught there is a consequence for bad behavior.  This generally is known as Time Out……the art of secluding a human from social contact with other children until they have had time to think about what they did.

As children grow older and misbehave in school there is a consequence called In School Suspension or Out of School Suspension.  This is the art of secluding a human from social contact with other students to ensure they do not continue to disrupt the general school day……..until they have had time to think about what they did.

We are taught through out life that if we break the law…….there is a consequence.  The extreme consequence is jail.  Jail is the art of secluding a human from the general population for wrongdoing….until they have had time to think about what they did.

Should said consequence of breaking the law land us in jail………we have all heard that there is a consequence for bad behavior in jail.  That consequence is called Solitary confinement.  This is the art of secluding a human from social contact with the other inmates for wrongdoing……until they have had time to think about what they did.

In some countries……..religion has nothing to do with being shunned out of your family.  There are just certain dos and dont’s.  You do…..you are excommunicated from your family…..and you don’t even get a chance to repent.

I will stop now with the comparative thinking.  As there are several examples of social exclusion that I could examine.  So the devils advocate question of the day is………should we not infuse consequences for bad behavior?  Should a church be exempt from disciplining the law of GOD as they deem to be in the realm of their teaching?  Why were the 10 Commandments created?  Were they intended to result in a consequence should we not obey?

The realization is that we have a choice……aka free will.  Should we choose to give in to the teachings of our faith or change our faith is our choice.  We should not be guilted into obeying by losing our family based on the varying teachings of secular religion.  We should however purpose to think differently which could change our attitude about the situation we have choiced ourselves. 

And no matter how much we think we are escaping the path we have chosen or the “rules” we have broken…………I’m convinced that karma exists.  There will come a day when we all must repent.  Just remember that perhaps…….just perhaps……its that choice we made coming back to teach us a lesson.  While the lesson may be a small one and we did all we could to make the best choices moving foward given the circumstance…..it may still be a teachable moment.

Here’s to re-thinking and acting differently in the face of a tough situation and coming to terms with the choices taken and the consequences received…… which is so much easier said than done……to a work in progress……..CHEERS!!!

3, 90, & 1 Year……Rules of “Engagement”….

We all have said at least once…..if I knew then…..what I know now…………..well its never to late to start to learn from what you know now.  While I am an old married woman…I still have a few beautiful single girlfriends.  They are single for whatever reason and each has their own unique story.  With the ratio of men to women…..half the women in the world will probably never marry.  Everytime I hear of a boy being born…I get excited!!  One because I have a boy…and feel that I have contributed to the marriage of some very lucky girl in the future….now whether I like her or not is a whole nother blog post.  With that said…..here are a few rules of “engagement” that I believe could actually work…..if properly exercised.  They are simple numbers which quite frankly are numbers that rule our lives in many other ways….3 days to get out of certain product contracts….90 day job review when you start a new company……1 year warranties……..so here goes:

3 day rule = My dad always tried to teach me old skool dating rules…..women don’t call men….men call women…men date/court women….men pay.  This of course has changed over time but there is still an artful truth to it.  If you are calling him way more than he is calling you…..you may need to rethink your position.   So the rule is – If you are dating a guy and he doesn’t call you for 3 days consecutively (and in this day and age that includes a text or any other form of communication)…then don’t call him & start preparing yourself to move on.  If you haven’t heard from him in a week….move on!  Any man who is in to a girl would not go more than a day without hearing her voice or wanting to see her (especially if they enjoy sex!).  Bottom line for this rule……out of site…out of mind….and as each day goes by…it gets easier to forget and move on.

90 day rule = NO SEX til after 90 days….(um….that should be until married!!)…..that’s 3 months and at least 1 season or a combination of seasons.  Some people act different during certain seasons.   For example, I suck in the winter!  SADD – Seasonal Affective Disorder Disease takes over my brain (not a happy girl!) .. This rule folds into the 1 year rule.  Bottom line to this rule…..generally 3 months is what I call the honeymoon phase.  You are learning each others favorite color, food, drink, family, etc…..there really shouldn’t be anytime for sex with all you have to learn!  And if it doesn’t work out……you didn’t give up the cookies!!

1 year rule – You should spend at least 4 seasons with someone before considering marriage (see 90 day rule explanation of seasons).  By this time, you should know what bothers you and what you can shrug off and live with……and you should know what bothers enough that could constitute a deal breaker in the future if its not fixed.  Deal breakers are generally cheating, alcoholic, porn addict, drug addict, abusive(unless both parties are into that stuff)…major stuff.  Other deal breakers could fester such as non-communicator, frivolous spender, selfishness, controlling, invader of privacy(always trying to catch you)…& a host of others annoyances but that’s all I can think of for now.  These type of deal breakers may be helped with counseling…if not….then you have to decide if these lesser fester deal breakers can be lived with for the rest of your natural born life!!

So that’s the high level skinny……I could go deeper….but that may fry a few brain cells and cause me to actually write a book about it!! ….next blog……When to know the difference between controlling and “needy”.

Here’s to the differences GOD made between women and men….and the wisdom to appreciate the favor……CHEERS!!!

Do you see me??…..

Nothing drives me crazier than people who say “I don’t see color” when referring to a black friend.  Obviously you see them…. If they wore a red shoe and a blue shoe everyday…..you certainly would see it….but as a friend…..you wouldn’t tease them or make a big deal out of it everyday.  Same with “color”.  You clearly see they don’t look like you…….but what you don’t do is point it out…..what you don’t do is make them feel different or out of place.  They are your friend. 

It’s also very interesting that when there is a minority in the group……its okay to venture into areas that look more like the majority…….but when its time to venture into an area that doesn’t look like them… you get the question “How bad would we stand out?”…..um….just about as bad as the minority in your group stands out.  Uh oh…..I think you just saw “color”….

No matter how you slice it…..you see color before you know the person.  You may judge them simply on their look…before they even open their mouth to speak.  You don’t know what they sound like or where they come from….all you see is them. 

If a child is taught at an early age to speak by a particular race of people……they learn to speak and imitate those that are teaching them.   People think proper english sounds “white” and that is the acceptable language.  Speak anything other than that…….Uh oh….here comes the color patrol…..in fact…you could be blind folded and name that color or race!!

There are some hilarious stereotypes of all races and ethnicities……being comfortable to talk about them amongst friends shows maturity and true friendship.  Please don’t think that your black, mexican, or asian friends represent their entire race…..they don’t.  They just so happen to fall into a category of rich historical culture that is a far better story to tell than most.  Stories of racism, ignorant people and personal funnies that are far better than you can ever come up with!!  They are embarrassed, outraged and passionate about their race….and for you to say…..I don’t see color….means you really don’t see them for the rich heritage, fabulous food, historical epithets and fabulous diversity they add to your life.  They know you love them because you are their friend…….we all have something to share and learn. 

 Knowledge is power…..and the key to lasting friendships.   Here’s to all the colors in the world….where is Benetton when you need them!!…People learn what they live…..and they live what they learn…..and they teach their children the same…..CHEERS!!!