Always a reception…..Never a bachelorette party

….there are certain things in your life, that you have to make really tough decisions about……one of those decisions…..which is the absolute best day of many people’s lives….is planning your wedding day. We all know, especially us that are married….that the milestone of marriage is a really big deal to the bride…..its her day & her way. Generally, the wedding ceremony is by far the cheapest if not freest part of the actual wedding planning…..the reception on the other hand can be a financial sticker shock. And the hardest part………..the Guest List.

Over a course of 6 months, I had 4 friends who got married….and as the song says….they did it their way. Some of those decisions left many surprised, confused and even conflicted on what exactly to do with the cards that were dealt.  While we all know that it’s not about us, but about the bride….that doesn’t negate that there are 2 sides…one side who is making tough decisions on what to do with the plans and budget they’ve set…..and the other side who has shared highs, lows, boyfriends, then ex boyfriends, husbands, then ex husbands, tears, laughter, milestones…the list goes on.  You are close…not just some see ya when I see ya kind of friend.

Wedding invitations for some can be likened to standing outside a club in Miami or New York waiting to see if you will be picked….but for true friends…we liken it to witnessing a day that you have been waiting and couldn’t be happier for, for just as long as you have been friends.  We’ve watched you grow…..and to watch you open a new chapter in your life….is the ultimate charm.

To sum it up…..2 friends eloped….and no one knew until they posted on Facebook they were married in another country and state……1 didn’t invite any of us but decided to have a small intimate extremely close friends & family wedding which was simply beautiful by the pictures……..and the other invited us all….and had an absolutely beautiful wedding and reception….the downside….some of us are still trying to embrace a relationship with a new husband that has on a few occasions…given us the impression that we may not even be worthy of her friendship.

With all that said…………each of those scenarios equated to some hurt feelings, conversations of conflict regarding what to do, should we do and what does the etiquette book say to do.  When you’ve never been put in a particular situation before…..its hard to really figure out what to do between suffocating your feelings and doing what’s right.

When we make decisions in life they have ripple effects and impacts on those that are closest to us.  We all have that friend who does exactly what they want to do regardless of the impact it has on others, the friend who is very blunt and no holds barred, who doesn’t have any issue bringing issues to the table to get them talked about, who says what they think needs to be said regardless of whose feelings it hurts, who you know loves you and all of your crew but won’t dare coddle us, or our feelings for that matter, and who we all wish would realize that sometimes…you just need a hug.  That while we respect their opinion….our feelings should not be diminished or made to seem insignificant.  In fact….their issue may not be the only issue we are experiencing which catapults us into vent overdrive.

It’s not our decision of what folks decide to do on the day that starts a new chapter in their life….all good friends support all types of decisions made by their friends, even if we disagree or the outcome of the decision requires us to suffocate our feelings, vent to another friend, or simply silently cry about it.  Whatever the outcome is, when shared, our personal feelings should not be dismissed…we have been left with a purse to hold of missing out on the things that friends plan…..bridal showers & bachelorette parties…..the 2 best things friends can do for their friends.  Why is it okay to give a baby shower…..but the traditional bride to be festivities are negated??

In the end….there is almost always a wedding reception and never a traditional bachelorette party in these cases because…well….the wedding already happened.  Kind of defeats the purpose of being a traditional bachelorette when you are married…there goes the suck for a buck and the body shots!!

What we do know is that our friends are joining(or have joined) the ranks of the happily ever after. And as friends we are responsible for ensuring that our friendship stands the test of all things through communication, respect, empathy, appropriately placed sympathy……and leaning on the shoulders of those in your crew to bring you back from the edge no matter the circumstance.

Here’s to embracing the choices our friends make with sensitive life milestones….and to the other side who makes the best of it & continues to love their friends no matter what……through the good times, the not so good times, and the even better times……CHEERS!!!

 

 

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