Through out life we establish friendships. Those friendships can start from kindergarten and potentially carry through our lifetime til death do us a part. Depending on your personality, you either have a core group of friends, several different groups of friends…or very little friends at all. Some women prefer to have more male friends because they believe girls are petty, catty, & an exhaustive presence to be around. But through it all….there is something called…..the GIRL CODE. Men have Man Laws or Bro Codes to live by….just like women do.
So let’s kick it off……..here are my personal top 5 plus one. There are many others but these are a good start to a solid respect for the Girl Code.
Sex – If your friend slept with him…..you can’t. There are some exceptions to this rule.
1. 60 years has passed
2. You get permission
3. You get married to him — this is a good thing
Dating – DO NOT….under any circumstances diss your girl for a man you are merely sleeping with. If there are NO rings on your fingers you are not obligated to be at his beck and call. Its called Training 101…..that’s another blog to come…but here’s a tidbit….Men will act how you allow them to. If you set clear expectations that you have forged a bond of friendships and you have plans with said girls…that you will not break those plans unless there is an emergency or death. You have many days and many nights to spend with him….your girls deserve your committment to their time. Just as you would want your girl to do the same. At the end of the day….when he is GONE….your girls will still be there. Once you are married….there is no such thing as a diss….because at that point…its a matter of whether you are allowing yourself to be controlled by having to ask permission to “escape”…..that’s another blog to come…..stay tuned.
Truth – In all cases be open and honest with your friends. While it is hard to share your feelings to others especially when you are angry with them….it is a disservice to them to exhibit passive aggressive behavior or stew in your own juices. At some point you will boil. Real change comes from having enough comfort to be really honest and say something very uncomfortable. Try it…..
Facebook Defriending – We are now in a social media craze in which our friendships are now closely connected to cyber space. If you are going to defriend a “friend” on Facebook, give them the courtesy of the “why”. Because by defriending or blocking them on Facebook without telling them speaks volumes to who you are as a person, reality and real life. If you can’t be honest and upfront about your friendship on Facebook then how are you supposed to develop true meaningful relationships in reality? Do you have something to hide? Do you think that your friend won’t like you anymore because of your views? If they are truly a friend…….they will still like you and quite possibly be able to help you with whatever your controversial feelings may be….OR…they just may agree with you….but as a friend…give them the opportunity to know the “why” you feel you need to defriend or block them.
Trust – If your girl(s) ask you to keep something confidential…..DO IT. If they want the whole group to know….they will tell them. We all have a friend or two out of our group that we feel more comfortable telling “secrets” too…..its not that we don’t trust the others in our group….its just that we can sense as humans who can understand what we are going thru most. There will always come a time when the girls get together in an intimate setting …. and share. Share what they are going through, share what they are feeling and share what hurts them or makes them most happy. LISTEN…..sometimes its just easier to do that until they ask you what they should do or for your opinion. The ability to do that is a continuous work in progress for everyone.
The Plus One:
Respect – this isn’t really GIRL CODE…its human nature code. Always give it and you shall receive it. If you aren’t getting it, speak on it, as there may be some underlining feelings that your friend is not telling you that you may be able to pull out of them to squash the feelings of animosity….and LISTEN to their feelings. Don’t diminish their perception of reality…because its their reality whether its real or not.
Girl Code is important. Just like Man Laws and Bro Codes are important to men. Friendships are built from mutual respect, understanding and trust. Respect the Girl Code and you will not be talked about by the rest of your crew!!….here’s to friendships…the good, the bad, the best and the even better times…..CHEERS!!!